Maple Story

 Oh god here we go again.

I'm not going to lie to you (that's the government's job), but if you would have asked me a week ago on my opinion of this Korean Freemmo (coincidentally, Starbucks new drink), I would have laughed at you with the same, sneering disdain as though I just witnessed my mother dropping the "other" Kennedys off at the pool with the door open. Or similar to that teeth-gritting pain sentient beings when they hear the word "Runescape" uttered non-ironically. 

I didn't ask for this.

However, I had been promised change. About tree fiddy. There had been one major update and a trio of minor, with the second promise of more to come. "Surely," I said aloud, making mocking gestures in the mirror, "You cannot be serious." "But oh my friend," The mirror replied, "Oh so very serious."

What the hell is Asia's fascination with giant fighting robots capable of mass destruction? Oh right. They're fucking awesome.

I read a little into the updates, but the one thing that stood out like an erect penis the most was the changes to experience. The most grueling part about most Korean Freemos™ is the grinding. Not on your pants, the dancefloor, or the sound your teeth are making trying to digest my horrible anal logs, but the kind where you kill a boar in the forest thirty-five thousand times. You kill your thousandth boar, you hand the quest giver five hundred pelts. They smile...that same...botox injection smile...and say, "Thanks! But could you go kill two thousand? And this time I need that item that only drops a sixteenth of the time. Thaaaaaaanks."

 If I raged any harder my floor would have turned into lava.

Maple Story's aptly named, and my newest alter-ego, "The Big Bang" patch delivered a Turkey Day sized variety of changes. The two most important, as I saw, were the experience required to level dropped about 40% and the entire face of the Maple World was altered (new areas made, old areas got makeovers, monster mobs moved/re-leveled/re-statted, bosses spawn in special areas only for you and respawn every hour, and more). Well, these two changes alone make the game, for someone like myself, who hadn't played in years, basically brand new. 

It's...beautiful...

Not to mention that, when I played, their were only four classes: Warrior, Magician, Bowman, and Thief. Back when Perma-Beginners got nothing and liked it. Technically, there are currently fifteen classes, which are broken up into four groups.

 Why...so...kawaii?

The Adventurers: Warrior, Magician, Bowman, Thief, Pirate

Cygnus Knights: Dawn Warrior, Blaze Mage, Wind Archer, Night Walker, Thunder Breaker

Legendary Heroes: Aran, Evan

The Resistance: Battle Mage, Wild Hunter, Mechanic

 It can't possibly be this cute in-gam-

God. Damn.

It took me like half an hour to decide what I wanted to do. I didn't even bother trying to read about them, I took the dude with the giant lance and wolf: the Aran. What did you expect? Turns out, this class is fucking awesome. You can use any weapon, but you want to use pole-arms, because Aran's are sort of like World of Warcraft Rogue's if their combo points deteriorated. You get a combo point every time you hit a monster and unleash your special attacks through combos.

 "Excuse me while I look badass and destroy everything."

Waiter? I believe there's some fighting in my MMO soup.

I don't know if there's enough monsters in the game, let alone one map, to get a 29k combo.

And that's pretty much all you need to know about the game itself. A lot of people seem to hate Korean Freemos™ (now in English (Cream!)), but I feel like Nexon has a terrific thing going on here. The game gets updates out the ass, the micro-transactions are 50% aesthetic and 50% useful, and the game itself is fun, cute, and rewarding. Nexon is a company that listens to its fans. You want something? Speak loud enough and you WILL get it. They have contests for fans to design monsters, items, NPCs and are dedicated to the security of their players. 

 How do you kill that which doth life?

Maybe I'm a bit biased. This is the first MMO I have played since WoW. Wait. There's an Auction House now? Wait. I can access it from ANYWHERE? I can sell in-game items for Nexon Cash (the microtransaction money)!? And there's PvP now!?

AND CORGIS?!

bbl playing maple story